Lillian Rose Loomis Armga, #2

The penciled date on the back of this photo is 1930s.

Grandma Armga was scary to me but she was also unknown. Even though I grew up in the same small town where she lived I did not know her and learned to fear any encounter that I might have with her.
When I was a young child she had a 'falling out' with mom and dad. I'm not totally sure what caused the break down in relationships. I do know that she disliked mother immensely. I remember mother saying that Lillian had told our dad that he had to choose between his wife or his mother. This would have been when he also had at least 5 children. He obviously chose his wife and children.
This 'falling out' was not unique to our parents. Lillian was the mother to 3 children. She disowned two of them, dad and Aunt Jean (dad's only sister). She was the grandmother to 13 grandchildren. She disowned all but two grandchildren, Sandra Carr (Aunt Jean's oldest child) and Vicki Armga (Uncle Bill -- dad's only brother).
Lillian also disowned her siblings and had difficult relationships with her husband's family. Her niece in Wisconsin, Agnes (known to us as Blondie, daughter of Agnes, Lillian's sister and John, William Carl's brother, so she was dad's double cousin), could only share with me that no one really knew why Lillian was so angry with her family but she basically was impossible to please and didn't hesitate to let everyone know how disgusted she was with her family. This problem had existed from the time Bill (name our grandfather William Carl was called by family and friends) and Lillian were newlyweds living with relatives in the 1920s.
The details of the end of Lillian's relationship with Aunt Jean will need to be another post. But it illustrates the anger that characterized Lillian's familial relationships and her determination to stop at nothing to get what she wanted.
I mentioned in a previous post that I was able to gather information about Lillian's life because she had agreed to let me interview her. I had wanted so much to know her and to have a relationship with her. But I was also very frightened because her history with family members. In the end, our cousin Sandra arranged the visit. 'Grammy', as Sandra called her, agreed to see us together at her home -- a small apartment in a government subsidized housing area in Twin Falls. Sandra went as the mediator and peacemaker, and in the end I was so grateful that she was there.
What I remember is that the apartment was dark and full of furniture -- but it was small. We did the interview in the kitchen and I used a tape recorder. I had a written list of questions and used them to keep me on course. My stay lasted only about an hour. While I did get through a good number of questions I could have asked many more.
Lillian seemed quite pleased with the opportunity to tell me about her accomplishments. Two things I remember being noteworthy; first, how impassioned she was about not knowing the Roman Numeral system because she had missed that part of her schooling and second, how she would emphasize that people were 'very good to her/them' when talking about someone she liked. The Roman Numeral thing seemed to offer a glimpse of an experience (or perhaps several) in her life where she had been embarrassed because she didn't know how to read Roman Numerals. So ironic I think, because how hard is it to learn the system? It isn't! And even with remembering the X, V and I, I always have to kind-0f intuit from their placement in the number at the values of the M, C and D.
After about an hour Lillian started to become agitated and became very confrontational about my 'horrible' mother. I don't think this was in relation to any questions I was asking, but rather the ongoing awareness of who I was and that I was in her home. When she started getting angry Sandra quickly let me know it was time to go and we headed out to the car. As I left Lillian made some passing reference to not knowing all her grandchildren. It was overwhelming to me to think how tragic that this woman had denied herself of being a part of the lives of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
I remember that when Grandpa Armga died, someone in the family -- one of his sibs from Wisconsin I believe -- had expressed disappointment that he died before Lillian. The family had always hoped that warm relationships with Bill could have been re-established if Lillian had proceeded Bill in death.
Dad in particular was very nervous about encountering Grandma Armga in a public place. If he saw her shopping downtown, he would cross the street to avoid letting her see him.
Michael tells of the harrowing experience of being called up to the front to carry out bags of groceries when he worked at the Safeway in Lynwood and upon arriving at the check-stand discovering that the bags belonged to Grandma Armga. I think she recognized him before he recognized her and she 'threw a fit' and refused to let him help her. Everyone involved in that incident was confused and taken aback about what was happening that this young man who said and did nothing could cause this old woman to shout and carry on.
I interacted with many people in Twin Falls who knew Lillian and considered her to be a wonderful woman and outstanding friend. When they would comment to me about her being my grandmother I usually remained silent about the fact that I didn't know her, but sometimes I had to admit that not only did I not know her but she refused to have anything to do with our family. People were always amazed. Some of her friends were Mormons and felt that Lillian and Bill had adopted them as a family. They spent many evenings together playing games and loved their time together. That has always stumped me. She couldn't have hated us just based on our religion. The only conclusion I could draw when contemplating this dilemma was that with family Lillian had firm and high expectations that were rarely or never met. With friends she had no such expectations so they didn't frustrate or anger her so easily or so much.
When I was working in Nampa I needed help on one occasion to get back to my apartment after a visit to Twin Falls. Uncle Bill and Aunt Velma lived in Boise and Dad had arranged for Uncle Bill to drive my car and for me to ride with Aunt Velma in their car. It was a sweet experience to spend time with Aunt Velma. She is a lovely person. She very carefully shared with me that it was a very very difficult experience being the only family that Lillian accepted. The responsibility and obligation that Bill and Velma felt toward Lillian, and her expectations and temperament, had a serious impact on the quality of their life. So, that candor helped me realize that the situation could have been worse than just not knowing my Armga grandparents.

Lillian Rose Loomis Armga, #1

Lillian is seen above as a young mother with son Larry and daughter Jean.

Lillan Rose Loomis is our paternal grandmother. She was born December 8, 1902 at Waupun Township, Fond du Lac County, Wisconsin. She was the daughter of Charles Harvey Loomis and Margaret Kelly and was the youngest child and second daughter of a family of five children. Her brothers and sisters were Thomas Franklin, James Ray, Agnes Josephine and Charles Henry. When Lillian was just nine years of age, her mother died. Lillian described her as tall and slender. Her father, she said, "was wonderful and a quiet man." According to Lillian family history was never talked about.

Lillian was born and raised on the family farm of 100 acres established by her paternal grandparents. Horses were used on the farm to drive the machinery and the crops raised were grain, corn, potatoes and hay. In addition, the family had an apple orchard of 25 to 30 trees and utilized a cider press kept in the cellar of the house. Part of Lilllian's chores as a child were to carry in kindling and water. There was a 100 foot well on the farm and the water drawn from it was always ice cold. Through the summer it was Lillian's job to carry cold water to the men in the fields and water to her mother so that lemonade and ginger ale could be made to quench the men's thirst.

Lillian worked the farm for one year during World War I. She was age fifteen. She recounts the circumstances as follows:

"There was a man that had always wanted to buy the farm from Dad and he wouldn't sell it to him. And I know that this man was on the draft board and we always figured that he thought that if my brother was drafted that Dad would have to sell the place. Instead, even though I was only fifteen at the time, I took over and milked ten cows and did all the chores, cut all the hay and raked all the hay. I worked outside just like a man all summer."

Lillian graduated from the eighth grade and went on to complete two years of high school. Her education was interrupted with the advent of World War I that required her help on the farm. She walked three and a half miles to attend high school in temperatures that often reached forty degrees below zero. She shared the following story from her grade school years, that showed her determination to attend school.

"They had a contest. Everybody that had perfect attendance that year got a certificate for it. Well, I was terribly sick. I used to have sick spells, more or less maybe the same thing as I do now, just be sick for a day or two. And I was going to go to school. In fact they practically had to tie me in bed. I was going to go to school. I was going to get that certificate. Well, the teacher was nice enough to see to it that I got it. I guess she knew that I couldn't have stayed out of school, if it would have killed me I went to school."

Lillian attended school in a one-room schoolhouse that included all eight grades. Edna Cramer was her teacher. Lillian like to read and learned things fairly easily. About grades 5 or 6, she was so far ahead of the rest of the kids that the teacher let her skip a half-a-grade. Part of what she skipped was learning the Roman numerals. Lillian was very good in algebra when she started high school.

Her study of domestic science brought two especially remembered highlights to Lillian's life. Even though she did not want to take the domestic science class because she felt she already knew how to cook and sew, on the day they baked bread, "my little loaf of bread was the very best in the class." When they made cakes the class ran out of milk before Lillian got some to make her cake. The teacher asked her to just watch the others make theirs but Lillian insisted she didn't mind and would use water in hers. "My cake was the best there was and I had just used water!"

Lillian was just two years old when Bill Armga saw her crying on the front porch of her house. She was wearing a red dress. He lived on a nearby farm and had come to pick mulberries. She later learned that he had said at that time, "Someday that's going to be my wife." (Bill would have been 7-years-old at the time).

The Armga farm was located 1 1/4 miles directly north of the Loomis farm. Both families were good friends and traditionally spent Thanksgiving at the Armga's and Christmas at the Loomis' Lillian grew up playing with the Armga girls and they would spend days at a time at each other's house. She helped with the ironing at the Armga house from the time she was 'knee-high-to-a-grasshopper'. The old heavy flat irons that were heated on the wood stove were used.

Lillian and William (Bill) Armga were married in 1920 by a Justice of the Peace named Fairbanks. Lillian wore a beautiful blue georgette dress complemented by a large hat with a pleated ribbon.

Lillian described her brother Frank as an excellent mechanic who was 'one of the best.' In the late summer he would go down 'as far south and Texas and start with the threshing crews' as the work took them through the nation's breadbasket up into the Dakotas and even Canada. He went to mechanics school in Regina, Canada through the winter. Frank and his wife Alice had two boys, Lee and Ray and were 'very good to us'.

James married his childhood sweetheart Marion Carrier. She died. Charles worked the farm and never married. Frank later committed suicide. All the family is buried at Cattaroga cemetery in Waupun.

After Lillian and Bill married they lived on the Armga farm for one year. Son Larry was born on the farm. They next lived in Fond du Lac where Bill worked delivering coal while learning to be a mechanic. Jean was born in Fond du Lac. The family then moved to Washington, Pennsylvania where Billie Lee was born. He was about one year old when the family returned to Kenosha, Wisconsin where Bill worked construction and helped build a bank and a hospital. During this time Lillian and children stayed with her brother Frank and his wife, Alice until they could get a home to live in. Lillian also worked and got a job running the elevator in the bank building for which she was paid $.25 an hour. Later she was in charge of a restaurant at night where she distinguished herself by having the income of the establishment show a significant increase under her watch. In Twin Falls, Idaho Lillian worked for Mary DeBaird at the lunch counter of Woolworth's and also for both Parisian and Troy laundries.

In 1930 the family left Wisconsin in a Ford sedan headed for Twin Falls, Idaho. They drove night and day with the children sleeping in the back of the car. They stopped several days in Montana where they stayed with the Adams family who were 'very very good to us'. In Idaho, Bill worked for a Mr. Mullencamp and helped build the Twin Falls Feed and Ice Building. It was his acquaintance with Mr. Mullencamp that lured the family to Idaho. Mr Mullencamp wrote and promised Bill a job if they went to Idaho so "we brought everything we possibly could, practically all our worldly goods" and set out for the new state.

Lillian recounts, "One of the biggest thrills of my life was seeing Old Faithful in Yellowstone Park [during the trip out to Idaho]. I had started school at 4 1/2 and remember seeing a picture of Old Faithful in my geography book. I said, 'Someday I'm going to see that.'" She also told the following story of the family's stay in the National Park. "We had all our food and utensils on a box on the running board of the car. To sleep, the kids slept in the back of the car with us parents out on the ground. It started to rain so we had to get up and try to sleep the best we could in the front seat. Just at daybreak something woke us up and there was a great big 'ol black bear just about ready to get into our food box. We piled out of the car on my side and shewed the bear away. The food box was on the ground but opened perfectly -- just the luggage carrier was hurt. When the bear left us he went and climbed into the back of a great big truck where some boy scouts were sleeping. Boy, if you don't think that was a sight to behold to see all those scouts scattering!"

This information was gathered from an interview I had with Lillian in 1981 at her home in Twin Falls, Idaho. She died November 22, 1994 in a Boise, Idaho nursing home at age 92.

Remembering 9/11

Dad would have been so pained with the death, carnage and suffering in the September 11th attacks. And he would have been powerfully touched with the huge American flag that was hung at the Pentagon near the gaping hole that remained after an airplane flew into that building.
One of my most treasured reminisces of Dad is his love and profound reverence for the American flag. I remember him telling, with tears in his eyes, of how touched he was to see the American flag flying on American soil as he returned from his over-seas duty during World War II.
Dad truly believed that America was wonderful. He consistently gave thanks in his prayers for the freedoms that we enjoy in America. He wanted his children to have great respect for the country we live in. He consistently flew the flag at whatever house he lived in. Pat and I purchased a spray of red, white and blue flowers for his funeral. When I think of patriotism I think of my Dad.
God, please bless America.

Our beloved Toufa

Toufa was the black standard poodle that our family had from 1965 to 1977. She was a wonderful, smart and loving animal. We adopted her from another family -- I don't know any details on this. Does anyone else? We never did know for sure what her name really meant except that to all of us it meant LOVE. She played with the kids and was especially good at the game of 'hide and go seek'. She loved chocolate and french fries. One Christmas she knocked over the Christmas tree and consumed all the foil wrapped chocolate balls which decorated the tree during the night while the family slept.
Toufa loved to go camping with us and would really prance around in the wood. We would take her for a walk and wait until she became caught up in her surroundings and and then we would quickly hide behind a tree. Toufa would keep walking for awhile and then suddenly realize that her human was not with her. She would hunt and hunt all over until she found us. Then she would smile and snort, embarrassed that she had "lost" us and also enjoying our little game.
One thing Toufa had a hard time with on the camping trips was the swimming. She didn't like to swim -- in fact she hated being in the water. But the humans liked to see her swim. We tried everything to get Toufa to swim. Finally we resorted to putting her on one of the little homemade rafts that were always around and taking her ten to twenty yards or so out into the lake. Then we'd push her off. Sure enough, then she'd swim. (Oh, I don't like remembering that we were mean to her!)
Toufa had a cold wet nose that she used to good advantage. She would nudge nudge nudge any idle arm resting on the arm of a chair until it would love her little head. Then oh, she was okay. She loved to go for rides in the car and would often sit in the front seat next to the driver (we had what were called 'bench' seats then. Fancier 'bucket' seats were few and far between). So great was her need for love and affection that she was plastered against the driver making right turns really difficult. People seeing us with her in the car often thought we had some black hairy adult with us, since she was human size when she sat on the car seat with us.
Toufa's most distinguishing characteristic was her smile. She would bare her teeth as a mad dog might, only hers was to show affection or embarrassment. One summer day I remember her standing at the back door with her nose pressed against the glass panel in the closed screen door. As she was looking outside and concentrating, there was a sonic boom. It scared her and she jumped so hard that she slammed her little noses right into the glass. Realizing that a human was watching her she smiled and ducked her head and sneezed over and over. (She was embarrassed!)
Toufa not just tolerated the cats we had through the years, she was buddies with them. They would play together but most often slept together, snuggling up close for warmth.
Oh, we loved Toufa! She was an amazing dog and a true member of our family.

What makes our family special?

I've been thinking alot about the good feelings that existed at our Family Reunion. I've also thought about a conversation I had with a former neighbor about the fractured relationships with his own siblings. It has made me realize that one of the great things about our family is that we really love each other. It is love that unites us and supports us having really good times together.
Maybe this isn't all so surprising. Maybe most families have this strong bond of love. I don't know. This is my only family so it is the one that frames my perceptions.
Why is our family so loving? I've thought about how Dad always adored Mother and treated her with such respect. And I've always felt that in his later years Dad's love for his children and grandchildren was as close as mortals can get to unconditional love.
I also think of mother's joy for living. She loved to laugh. She loved babies. She loved to be with and around her family. I think her pleasure was infectious and profoundly influenced how we approach life and how we view our relationships with our family.
What do you think makes our family so special?